It’s World Prematurity day, 3 years ago I wrote my birth story mainly for myself to get my head around what I had been through. The main thing I remember while writing it is having to tell myself to stop writing. I could of went onto 6 pages documenting my birth and the first few days post birth.
But I want to share how I feel now and the revelations I have had over the past 3 years that may help a premie mum. I do want to start by saying there is no time limit for when you will get over it if ever. In the sense of their might be one particular part of your birth or post natal experience or care that will always be a tender spot. So below I have listed a few of my ‘ahah’ moments when unpacking what I had gone through. I hope it helps;
- It doesn’t matter when the moment you fully accept your not ok and want to do something about it. Your going in the right direction. It took nearly 2 years for me to actively do something about my birth trauma. The first year I didn’t even consider my feelings other than knowing my experience was traumatic. I didn’t know what feelings were the result of post baby hormones, the trauma from birth or the anxiety being a new mum.
- You will feel resentment for the birth you wished for that you never had. I hated mummy groups in the beginning because I couldn’t participate in the chit chat. Resentment is a word and feeling that we avoid, as it brings up such negative connotations. But it is still valid.
- Toxic positivity does not help ‘the babies are ok that’s all that matters. Yes its great that your children are ok but doesn’t negate the fact that you went through something traumatic. If you have friends and family that haven’t been in a similar situation, they will think they are helping. So, it’s super important that you find professional people or other parents that can relate too. It will help validate your feelings and provide a safe place to express whatever it is your feeling.
- Now with that being said tread Social Media with care, I remember seeing the pain for some premature mums during national breast feeding week. Breast feeding can be something that is denied for many premature mothers for numerous reason. So seeing other women celebrate something that was denied to you could really trigger you. So in these times take and break either turn off the phone or you can mute someone you follow that for that moment may be disrupting your peace of mind.
- It was most likely traumatic for your partner as well. My partner tried to help me by always being positive. It took a little while for us to have a conversation about what it was like for him. As mothers we can easily feel like it happened only to our bodies. Yes it did happen to our bodies but your partner was watching it happen which can also cause trauma for them.